EDITORIAL: Leaked (if not forged) 'internal memo' hints at Bugatti Veyron GT

Early this week, a Danish automotive blog published an image of a memo confirming the production of a high performance, end-of-the-line Bugatti Veyron GT.

The memo claims that the GT tuning program would increase output of the Veyron's 8.0 liter quad-turbo V-16 to 1,350 horsepower and 1,018 pound-feet of torque. Additional GT spec upgrades would be applied to the car's carbon-ceramic brakes, electronic stability control program and the car's active aerodynamics.

The increased power would theoretically cut the Veyron's 0-60 mph time by two-tenths of a second to 2.4 and raise the Veyron's top speed from 252 to 264 mph. The tuning program would also be made available for any Veyron currently in production.

But take off the rose-colored glasses, folks.
There are plenty of reasons why this "memo" isn't worth the paper it's presumably printed on.

For an internal memo, there's a lot of irrelevant puffery injected into the copy.

The self-congratulatory tripe covers topics such as the GT's "ingenious aerodynamics, which keeps [sic] it on the road even at full speed." God forbid the laws of aerodynamic lift were to suddenly fail at 250 miles per hour. How on earth would an airplane fly in such a case?

On the subject of braking, where one would expect specifics such as rotor dimensions or piston count, the memo nebulously defines the GT upgrades as follows: "Such a super sports car may not seem to be brought to a halt easily, but the Veyron's ceramic special GT brakes slow it down faster than it can accelerate."

All of this is irrelevant to an engineer; reading it would do nothing but waste time. And if the memo was directed toward marketing the tuning program, why the numerous grammar errors and failed logic?

Lastly, considering that Bugatti SAS is a French company wholly owned by the Volkswagen-Audi Group, why was this "memo" written in English?

Suspending a veritable Mount Everest of disbelief, the memo sets March 2009 as the delivery date for the Veyron GT, which would coincide with the Geneva Motor Show.

Daydreamers and Russian oligarchs alike, don't hold your breath.

[Memo source: Autoblog.nl]
[Image courtesy: Bugatti SAS]

EDITORIAL: 2010 Mini Crossman SUV Concept set to ruin brand heritage, defy logic at Paris debut

At nearly 14 feet long with a 11 foot long wheelbase, any pretense of an SUV being sold as a MINI borders on the clinically insane.

But that hasn't stopped BMW — the parent company of MINI — from applying horrid marketing groupthink to a world-renowned brand.

And thus, lipsticked pigs like the Mini Crossman Concept are born.

Since the first Morris Mini rolled off the line at Longbridge, Birmingham in 1959, the Mini has been known for exceptional space efficiency combined with world-beating handling and — in the hands of rally pilots like Timo Maakinen — world championship caliber performance.

All of which make the forthcoming Crossman SUV an insipid, overwrought creation that — judging by recent sales figures — is completely out of touch with the rest of the market.

As Dodge and Chrysler have shown by virtue of their flirtations with bankruptcy, the SUV market has all but collapsed. And now that Sin City has given up on the Hummer, it doesn't take an economist to realize that the demand for poseur trucklets of all sizes has taken a serious — and likely permanent — beating.

Furthermore, Mini will be the latecomer to an already overbooked party.

While the official MSRP has yet to be set, the production version of the all-wheel-drive Crossman will likely sell for about $2000 to $3000 more than the front-wheel-drive only Mini Clubman S, which offers nearly the same amount of space and sells for $24,100.

So, at $26,000 for a base Crossman, Mini's new trucklet will compete with everything from the Jeep Patriot to the lease-returned BMW X3 3.0i. When there are a dozen or so products all trying to survive in a shrinking market, the future doesn't bode well for newcomers.

No matter how much faux Britannia blush BMW decides to smear on its off-roading porcine plunker, it will still squeal under the strain of a fading and cliched niche.

Think I'm wrong?
Give me an earful in the comments.

Sueeey...!

[Photo Credit: BMW AG]

EDITORIAL: Will this be Chrysler's last dance?

Sales figures are in for the first half of the year and suffice to say, 2008 is shaping up to be the worst year for US auto sales in nearly two decades.

Judging by the headlines, Chrysler seems to be most at risk of running aground in the turbulent economic tide. Sales at the Pentastar brand are down 23 percent from a year ago, despite a blitz of sales incentives geared toward consumers spooked by soaring gas prices.

Chrysler's leasing arm has shut down and Chase — one of the nation's largest underwriters of auto loans — has followed suit, refusing to cover loans for Chrysler products. Analysts have responded with muted skepticism, noting that any benefit from fewer loan delinquencies will be offset by slower sales.

So the fundamental question remains. In a market that couldn't be more hostile, is Cerberus Capital Management willing to invest in Chrysler for the long haul? Or are they angling to sell the brand for scrap value?

In many ways, it's an impossible question to answer without having all the facts.
But as one reads between the lines, the outlook grows bleak.

Despite loudly trumpeting gross earnings of $1.1 billion in the first half of 2008, CCM did not disclose their net income for the same period, nor are they obligated to. Daimler AG, which owns the remaining 19.9 percent of Chrysler, provides some insight into the real health of the company.

In their own quarterly report released last month, Daimler noted that Chrysler lost about $500 million in the first quarter of 2008. JPMorgan auto analyst Himanshu Patel estimated that Chrysler will burn through nearly $4 billion by years end.

Adding to the gloomy forecast. Chrysler renewed only $24 billion of its $30 billion credit line for the next 12 months. With reduced access to credit, the company's ability to purchase from suppliers and provide loans to dealers will suffer.

In the absence of good news, silence speaks louder than words. With every day that passes without full disclosure of their assets and liabilities, Chrysler draws closer to the day where their credit will no longer be accepted.

When suppliers demand payment in full for wheels, dashboards, computers and belts, the end will be swift and merciless. With no parts to build cars, dealers will stop placing orders. Within weeks, the money dries up and it's all over.

In the second half of 2008, Chrysler will face an intense and exceptionally brutal fight for its life. Compared to their Japanese competitors (who are still having a rough time of it), the Chrysler, Jeep and Dodge brands are ill equipped to sell on fuel economy.

Their corporate average fuel economy of 28.6 miles-per-gallon is weighed down by an abundance of SUVs, luxury sedans and light trucks. By comparison, Honda's average fuel economy topped the list last year at 33.7 miles per gallon.

Honda's class leading economy is in part buoyed by the success of the 45 mile-per-gallon Civic Hybrid. Chrysler has no direct competitor, nor the funds to build one.

In short, Chrysler needs a miracle in a market never known for charity. Or, for that matter, patience.

[Sources: AP, Cars.com, Chicago Tribune]